Just realised, none of you, have seen my face. 

I got spurs, that jingle, jangle, jingle!

I thought I should write another note on here, mainly because they tend to work at getting my anger out, or just relax me in general, as odd as that sounds. 

Anyway, so yeah. Kinda pissed off that what went on the other night has just seemed to be swept under the carpet as though nothing has ever happened. I know I'm pretty passive when it comes to stuff like this, but.. I guess last night pissed me off more. 

How can you just get away with saying something as rude and demeaning as that? You can't. That's the issue. 

So, when you want to speak to me about this, let me know yeah?

Anyway, Christmas shopping is officially done. I say that, but then again I know full well there's something that I've forgotten to buy, none of which is purposeful!

I was in town today, and I don't know how it managed it, but I am absolutely ehausted. I was just pushing past people and snapping at every available oppurtunity and it was absolute hell. 

I got everything sorted though, so I definitely feel better. 

Mum's currently having a nervous breakdown downstairs, so I'm going to leave her to it and get on with wrapping my presents. 

I have more new music on my iPod, so that's making me feel better. 

But, I'm certainly starting to get into the Christmas spirit.. I think. I'll probably feel better in the morning, I was going to go out tonight but I don't have any money left after today.

Plus, I don't particularly want to be hungover for Christmas day, as I have to actually get up and help walk the dog somewhere ridiculous like a field or some shit.

Do you know something? 

I can't believe how happy I am.

:)

Just so you know.

Okay, I'm not going to lie, I'm pissed off. I'm really pissed off.

Never in my entire life have I actually ever had to have to decide whether or not I wanted to be friends with someone before, because the majority of my friends never have hurt me.

But, I'm not going to lie, you did. You were friends with someone you know I hated, regardless of the fact that we were friends before, and you in fact, bitch and moan about her all the time.

It doesn't make sense to me. 

I told you all the shit that she does to people, and how much she hurts people, and yet you still wanted to be friends with her, regardless of the fact that you knew it was hurting me.

Everything I tell you, I tell you in confidence, which means, only you and you ONLY know about it. So, when I get nasty texts, threatening texts off a certain someone. I know full well that it was you who told them what they now know.

Even, when you told me you'd fallen out with this person, and that you didn't want to speak to them anymore, you still had to tell them something I told you in confidence, which made me look like a dickhead again. 

I'm finding it really fucking hard to maintain a friendship with you, I'm always there for you. I had feelings for you, but that is irrespective of everything else, because I put it to the back of my mind, as I didn't want to pressure you into anything.

I sit there and listen to you talk about someone you fancy, and yeah it hurts. But being your best friend means that I'm there for you, no matter what. 

Even after this, I don't know if I'll have the balls to fall out with you, because I'm not vindictive like that.

But everything is on very thin ice. 

I'm sorry I had to write this.

I'm sorry if you hate me, and don't want to be friends with me anymore. 

But it's something you need to know. 

ARGH.

Right, I thought maybe a way to express myself would be to write a blog on here.

It might not be the best decision I have ever made, but hey ho! Shit happens.

Anyway, I am incredibly pissed off this evening. Various reasons have been made as to why I can't get my shit back, but to be totally honest with you, it all just seems like a big fat excuse because you can't be fucking arsed to let me go because you're a pathetic loser who refuses to get over me. It is apparent I couldn't give a shit about what you think of me anymore, and it's also apparent that you're a total wanker who's main quest in life is to fuck everyone who you ever get in contact with - over. 

You absolutely disgust me. To even begin to think that I wasted an entire year of my life with you, makes me want to be physically sick. You are genuinely a walking joke and I hope you know that.

How you can live with yourself at times I don't know. From everything that I've ever heard about you, it has all amounted to a load of shit. You have been a bully for as long as people can remember and you obviously compensating for something in your shit life so you spend your time trying to make everybody else feel shit.

Why the fuck you just can't bring me my shit is beyond me. I mean, it takes 5 fucking minutes for you to get off your fat fucking arse, get in your shitty car, and drive to mine. I don't even care about seeing you. Your face makes me want to vomit. 

Just bring me my shit back, leave my fucking friends alone, leave me alone, and get on with your sad life.

Because as far as I'm concerned, you're not worth the shit off my shoe anymore.

I feel better.

i said hey!

girl with one eye.. i'll cut your little heart out.. cos you made me cry.. 


i'm having a music day today, hanging about on last.fm looking for new artists to download. i'm reminiscing and getting a bit of regina spektor on my iPod. i've been staying at my dad's the last few nights so it's been nice to get away from the humble abode. had a fantastic bath with a bath bomb last night, i was so comfortable in there, absolutely nothing would deter me from leaving that bath. i'm sorta hoping that weather conditions are going to improve soon.. it's been snowing constantly for the last 2 and a half weeks.. and i am getting a little bit too sick of it. it'd probably be okay if i could drive everywhere, but since i lack that skill, i'm having to walk everywhere with about 16 layers on. i'm going to spend the rest of my afternoon on fallout.. sad i know, but with this weather there is little other things to do without freezing to death. i'm off out drinking for the first time in ages on saturday, booked the night off especially and everything! 
i'm hoping it's going to be a good night anyway, first night out since i've been single anyway... so that'll be interesting! i've got quite a few presents yet to buy so i'm going to try and get some of that done today. christ knows what i'm getting certain people.. i have some general ideas but nothing concrete. lily allen just came on, she makes me smile. i'm kinda glad i'm not on skype right now, my friend tasha would probably not appreciate me singing lily allen at her. regardless of the fact that i sound like a drowning cat :') 
anyway, i'm gonna leave this here and go and get some lunch! 


lots of love <3

hello blog!
my my.. i haven't written one of these in absolutely ages. i'm chilling today, it's snowing so much outside and the last place i wanna be is outdoors. i can smell the dog from here, and he absolutely stinks. i don't know why i'm sat watching music channels, and i am in fact just watching the adverts at very high volume. it's nearly christmas, i can't believe how quickly this year has gone. i proper need to get my presents sorted. i have a few, but there's quite a lot i need to get. seeing adam this afternoon hopefully so that'll be a nice change. i had 4 hours sleep last night because i was sat worrying all bloody night. so i spoke to my dad and he said he'll drop me back at the house and go back home. they're getting a bed delivered today so when i stay i'll have my own bed. YAY. i'm gonna go on the ps3 shortly, play a bitta fallout new vegas. frank is yapping in his sleep.. n'aw.. anyway, ps3 time!


<3